Most people know what it feels like to care more about someone than they care about you. This can happen in friendships or romantic relationships.

But it can hurt even more when it comes from a sibling. Members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subreddit talked about this, especially when one person thought they were really close, but it didn’t turn out that way.

Reddit user VegetableRegular1269 always wanted a close and meaningful relationship with her two stepsisters.

This started after her father married their mother and later adopted the girls into the family.

But when her stepsister didn’t even tell her she was getting married and didn’t really include her or invite her to the wedding, the original poster (OP) started to understand something important. They were not as close as she had believed.

She asked the sub:

“Am I overreacting if I skip my sister’s wedding because I’m not included in her wedding party?”

The OP had a complicated relationship with her sister, Carly.

“My younger sister, Carly (21F), and I are not biologically related,” the OP explained.

“My dad married her mom when I was ten and she was eleven. Later, he adopted Carly and our youngest sister. She was only four back then, so we never really had issues getting along. My brother and I are biological siblings.”

“My dad later adopted both her and our youngest sister. It took us a while to get used to the new dynamic. Regardless, I’ve always thought of her as my sister and feel uncomfortable referring to her as otherwise.”

“I think I’m jealous of the relationship she has with our sister. I’ve always kind of felt like Carly doesn’t see me as her sister, and I guess I just bulldozed over that to make myself feel better. But I believe Carly considers our dad to truly be her dad.”

“Carly and I also live on opposite sides of the country,” the OP said. “We don’t see each other or talk as much as we used to. We’re not as close as we were when we lived together, but I didn’t think there was any bad feeling between us.”

But things started to feel different when Carly’s wedding came up.

“Carly is getting married this December. She and her fiancé have been together for a little over a year.”

“A few months ago, my dad sent a group text to my brother and me asking if we had made travel plans for Carly’s wedding,” the OP said.

“I was confused because Carly had told me they were going to wait until after she finished college to get married.”

“When I called my dad, he told me the wedding was actually happening this year. Carly had already told the rest of the immediate family about six weeks earlier. Parents, siblings, extended family—everyone knew except me. And I didn’t even hear it from her.”

“I called Carly and told her I was happy for her, but I was hurt. She said sorry and told me she had been busy and forgot to tell me. I accepted her apology and tried to move on.”

“Carly has always dreamed of getting married, and I’m genuinely happy that she’s getting the wedding she’s always wanted.”

Not only did Carly not tell the OP about the wedding, she also didn’t include her in it.

“Maybe a week later, my dad mentioned that my youngest sister would be Carly’s maid of honor. That made sense; they’ve always been closer, and I’ve spent years in therapy learning to be okay with that dynamic. It still stung a little, but I understood.”

“Then I found out I wasn’t in the wedding at all,” the OP said. “My brother, my youngest sister, and both of my parents all had roles.”

“I wasn’t part of the wedding party, and once again, I heard about it from my dad instead of Carly.”

“I tried calling her for several days, but she didn’t answer. A week later, she texted me and said her bridal party was already chosen. She also said sorry if ‘that’s not what I was expecting.’”

“She told me I could still come if I wanted to.”

The OP started feeling more and more unsure about her relationship with her sister.

“Maybe I made assumptions, but I really thought we were closer than that,” she said. “Carly and I had trouble getting along when we were younger, but in the last five years or so, we’ve gotten a lot closer.”

“I know how important this wedding is to her, and it really hurt being the only sibling left out,” the OP said.

A few days later, Carly texted her again. She asked if the OP would be her “something blue” and wear a blue dress.

The OP talked to her dad before replying. He had already told Carly that all siblings should be included in some way, or none of them should be.

The OP messaged Carly back and said she appreciated the offer, but she didn’t want to add pressure. She was still hurt, but she also didn’t want to make things harder for the wedding.

Carly replied that it was her own idea and that she really wanted the OP to do it.

The OP felt stuck. She couldn’t stop feeling hurt about everything that had happened. Finding out late about the engagement, hearing wedding updates from other people, and not being included when every other sibling was—it all felt personal.

She asked if she would be wrong for not going to the wedding. She said she loved her sister, but she was deeply hurt. Part of her worried that skipping the wedding could damage their relationship forever. Another part of her felt like the damage might already be done.

She ended by asking, “AIO?”

Reddit users were divided. Some said she was not overreacting, while others felt she should step back from the situation and rethink what her relationship with Carly really is.